This is the readers private hub. Here you can discuss what you want, Ask questions (which i will answer in Q&A segments) or just talk to me about real life issues.
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Sharswebfictions 
Hey there! Only read the prologue on Japtem so far and came here to read more. Just wanted to suggest you making a ToC page because, especially with your theme showing full posts rather than excerpts, it’ll become increasingly annoying for new readers to find the beginning as you add more chapters.
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how do i make a ToC page my friend? is it just another theme or?
and thanks for reading 🙂
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hahaha never mind, it is a ‘table of contents’ right? i will get right on it!
anything else you think my site is missing?
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Yeah, table of contents, sorry. You’ll probably have to do it manually as a normal page, unless there are themes or plugins that make them for you – though I know of none. Can’t think of anything else to suggest for now, except for maybe making use of categories and tags as that could come in handy for differentiating side stories and informational pages from the main chapters.
Just finished reading chapter 2, by the way, and enjoying the story so far! Looking forward to how those “barbarians” react to the MC.
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I suggest you put read more tags in your post because it’ll be annoying to look at when you post more chapter. The read more button looks like two lines with a dashed line going through it. it’s one of the options at the top when you edit a chapter.
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thanks for the suggestion my friend, i have been looking for this.
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If you’re going for a more professional look and feel, you definitely need to correct your Home page. Fix the basic stuff. Capitalization at the start of sentences. Spelling errors easily caught by spell-check. Sentences vs. sentence fragments (well…nowadays most people aren’t as particular about that last one).
I’ll try and review your chapters later and provide a PM via RR.
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ok thank you
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Are suggestions to story development taken into consideration from the current state of the story(chapter 2:Jesus on ice) or the current Table of contents on Royal Road?
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i would say the current table of contents on RRL because i don’t want there to be different timelines, one here and the other in RRL.
Having said that if you do have any suggestions to the story in consideration of the table of contents on royalroadl, feel free to put them up here. cause honestly this is so much easier than royalroadl
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My opinion twofold:1. The roughest part of your story is the lack of immersion which is a problem many of the ff’s (specifically game,vrmmo, and reincarnation to an extent)face and have trouble resolving. When I was reading your story it seemed to be from the perspective of looking through a window; observing the MC’s surroundings and feelings instead of seeing the surroundings and having those surprised emotions truly hit me . Fixing this is very easy but tedious. an example
(disconnected from reader): “Oh good, I am not paralyzed.’ I thought to myself, but hmm, I don’t remember my body being this long. From the top of my head all the way to the soles of my feet it took me longer to feel my body out than it usually did. And why is my chest so heavy damn it! I start doing the same exercise again, but this time I get more feeling back in my body. I do this again and again.” (taken from chapter 1)
My version:
The assurance of mobility eased my roaring heartbeat and calmed my battered mind.As autonomy slowly returned it was accompanied by an eerie sensation of despondency as if this wasn’t my body. Apprehension slowly grew in my chest once again and after continuing the exercise I was met with a sudden surprise
” what the hell is this weight!?”
muttering to myself, I discover a surprisingly heavy but supple weight on my chest that feels almost.. alive.
I continue my exercise slowly regaining my sense of self and with it a confirmation that my body or mind was heavily damaged.
“This exercise should take only a moment…. what happened?”
This is just my reiteration of what you you wrote and how it translated in my mind.( the end does not correlate with the story but this was written as if it was the end of a chapter.) 🙂
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heh thanks for the suggestion my friend. i actually wrote a very long comment but i decided to just trash it.
i see what you are going for here, and i agree, thank you for bringing this up.
i really appericiate your awesome input and i hope to get more as we go along further into the story.
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part 2: the way you write isn’t bad sometimes it’s good to view the story through a window; It allows an objective perspective for the view to base their own opinion off of and get them riled up. The style written by me above guides the readers imagination and creates the emotions I would want them to feel while yours seems to allow us to roam free, creating the emotions and filling in the blanks.
just my opinion so far.
in respect to the story i have a few questions
how important s his/her gender?
does the apparent abilities that the MC’s new body have make his previous life redundant in relation to his training?
besides obvious moral a psychological implications of reincarnation how will the MC’s temperment fail him and empower him in both social and action oriented climates ?
P.S. Thanks for writing. 🙂
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i understand. don’t worry i am working on my immersion factor. i will change my ‘style’ a bit in chapter 8 so do tell me how it turns out 😉
well about your questions.
1) very important from a scale of 1 to 10, i would say 9. at first i just did it for the heck of it actually but now that i have gotten serious about my series and all. i have about 50 or so chapters in mind, which essentially require a female mc.
2. yes and no. yes when it comes to stamina and strength exsirces they are all but redundent as you might have noticed in his new body, but balance and technique are still essential, and he must learn to adapt them to her new body.
3. damnit man, i can’t really say much about ‘action oriented climates’ cause those are a bit…. special you might say. i am a bit hesitant to state this. and for social climates, well for that we will just have to wait and see won’t we?
i really appericiate your comments and tips, i hope you keep them coming 🙂
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I have ordered some fanart of the vampire and human version of the MC
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seriously? wait what are we talking about here?
that is, whoa, never thought somebody would like my series enough to do that, but think you can send me a message once you do that. just for the sake of it though, i am not going to use it as a cover or anything else if its not all right with you. and tell me if you need extra details on how the mc actually looks like in detail, to help the artist.
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some of my family members do art for a living and they currently owe me a favor so its no biggie in that regard.
what i would like to know is the clothing that both characters wear (Male/Female) and where what style of hair regarding the female. also havent checked but i dont think you say what her eye color is once mc is in the new body. ill go check after this. regarding the man think he looks badass so far. trying to get it done within the next couple weeks
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its going to be a back to back with the male side being in an alleyway, eyes closed with blood running down his GI(he was wearing one at the time of hisdeath if i remember correctly).
should he be standing leaning on the wall or sitting with back against the wall.
eyes ar closed faint smile on lips.
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i like that very much, and it sounds very… poetic, and manly
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I think that the female character should be shown on top of an icy crag with a feral smile displaying bloodied teeth and chin with blood dripping onto the snow.
or maybe the scene should be inside the tomb with back on the tomb, yeti monster head to the side with blood down her chest.
I feel that blood should play a major role as the loss of it lead to his death and the consumption of it now leads to her strength and empowerment.
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i think the latter is better, when she is within the tomb with her back to the wall, perhaps the same faint smile on her face as when she died? to make it easier to see that it is essentinally the same character. and i totally agree with you, blood has played and will play a major role in this series.
ps: of course with a name like ‘The Elder Vampire’ it is to be expected i guess.
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what I desperately need though is an accurate description of the MC’s attire, hairstyle that you think would look good, and eye color.
also your opinion on my vision of the art would be greatly appreciated after all this is your story. 🙂
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about my opinion on your vision of the art, i already commented on.
hm. truthfully i didn’t mention her eye color because of various reasons that i won’t mention cause they have a looot to do with her race. but if you are going to draw her with blood, then her eyes color should be crimson, that is glowing slightly (emphasis on slightly) but not enough to alarm people.
her hair is straight, long and is pure white in color like snow, but it will be mostly braided in the series, because of our mc’s little obsession with hair and her not wanting to cut it, but because it is long it being a hindrance in battle, thus the braid.
i think i already described what she is currently wearing but just to repeat it, its a white dress that slightly clings to the mc’s skin but not enough to hinder her movments, the neckline should be down to about the collar bone, and the sleeves all to way to the wrists. the dress fits rather tightly around her arms.
i think that would be perfect, and truthfully i would very much like a picture where the current female mc and the former male mc are standing beside each other. and most people would just look at disbelief and think ‘there is no way these two are the same person’.
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for the female
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your opinion for the idea specific description for the female.
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i already commented on that? but do you mean a facial description though? because i already mentioned her attire and eye color.
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some questions regarding dimensions of the female character.
1. how long are the ears?
2. how much taller is she compared to his former self ?
3. what material is the dagger made form( iron and steel ) and what color.
4. what is the belt that the dagger is attached to made of?- interconnecting loops of steel/silver, cloth and what color?
now to the male MC
1 what color is his eyebrows
2 how many times was he shot rough estimate 5-7 etc.. to draw the correct amount of blood.
here is my basis for the male mc
http://thebreaker.wikia.com/wiki/Ryuji
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hooooly shit that is one epic picture.
1. about as long as the cover picture. tell me if you cant see it, and i will send you a full picture.
2.at full height he stands a bit under her chin. or if you want number about 20 centimeters.
3. of course it looks like it made of greyish iron, but of course what it is made of is compeletely different. the handel looks very majestic with many interwoven symbols and a red jewel at the hilt, held in place by four ‘claws’
4.you could say it is a belt of cloth attached around her hips. a long white sash.
1. brown.
2. 4 times.
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acutally i take that back, the ears should not be quite as long as the ones on the cover, but much short, but still noticeably ponity.
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sounds good.
a few more things- is there any damage to the crypt/sanctuary that the mc woke up in? and do you want the patterns set in the stone to be in the format of a some language/ pictograph, or maybe just vector art?
vector art-http://www.vecteezy.com/ornaments/11711-art-nouveau-border-vector-pack-two/premium
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nope it is in somewhat perfect condition, though of course there is the occasional rubble here and there, and the spider web, it is a plain old greek temple look alike. with a stone coffin. no patterns. although i don’t know if you can pull it off, but do you know of runes? perhaps a few of those i guess.
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I was also wondering if the art should be framed as if it is a picture in some hallway.
The reason why I think it would be a good idea is that the framework can have yeti’s, elves, and many other interesting creatures . it can tell its own story while framing the MC.
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interesting but wouldn’t that draw attention from the mc? i think it would be best with just the mc and the yeti. or the corpse of the yeti anyway .
btw can i ask you if it is possible to have a drawing with just the mc? i would love it as a cover
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wrote a little somethin and wanted your opinion on it 😉
was wondering if questions/ suggestions could be applied to other hopeful writers:)
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i would love to read it my friend, post it over at the new disscusion page
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maybe make a discussions page
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one gender or both?
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im guessing the female and yes. gonna take a while though family is entrenched with work.
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i understand, again i would appericiate it if you sent a pic over once it is finished, so i can see it for myself. would be awesome!
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I can’t do runes but i take pride in my IRL calligraphy so maybe (don’t know how good it would be when using a graphics tablet)
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that would be awesoem as well i guess, as long as they are seemingly latin-ish but not enough to distiniguish the letters, gives it an element of mystery don’t you think.
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it turned out terrible 😦
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really? how so.
ps:assuming you are talking about your series.
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